TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains information about sexual violence that may cause discomfort or trigger traumatic memories.
Manipulation within unequal relationships is not unfamiliar. We often hear about children becoming very close to older figures—teachers, coaches, supervisors, or public figures—who appear caring and supportive.
At first, such relationships may seem normal. Only later does it become clear that dependency, control, and exploitation have quietly developed.
The memoir Broken Strings by Aurelie Moeremans, which recently went viral, is one real example. In the book, she recounts her experience of being groomed since childhood.
The story illustrates that manipulation does not always appear as violence. It can disguise itself as care, affection, or sweet promises, making victims unaware that they are being controlled.
Manipulation in unequal relationships—especially those involving children—often appears normal on the surface. Power imbalances are easily abused, while state oversight and protection remain weak.
If regulations and preventive measures are not strengthened, grooming practices will continue to escape detection, and children will remain victims.
Grooming Is Manipulation
The phenomenon of grooming has become a global concern because it often serves as the gateway to sexual violence and child trafficking. Data show that 99% of survivors of sexual violence experienced grooming beforehand. Girls are the most frequent victims (over 60%).
Grooming is a process in which perpetrators manipulate children gradually—beginning with approaching them, building emotional relationships to gain their trust, and eventually exploiting them sexually.
Perpetrators may be strangers, but they are often people close to the victim, including family members.
Research by the Indonesia Judicial Research Society (IJRS) in 2025 found that 29.1% of victims of sexual violence crimes were under 18 years old. The most common perpetrators were intimate partners (13%), followed by family members (11.6%).
This grooming process can occur both offline and online, including through live streaming platforms.
Perpetrators typically do not appear dangerous at first. They present themselves as positive figures—romantic partners, mentors, or rescuers. Like wolves in sheep’s clothing, they make victims feel comfortable through praise, acceptance, gifts, attention, and a seemingly nurturing attitude.
Children who are seeking affection and recognition can easily trust them. Many children do not realize they are being groomed until the situation worsens and perpetrators begin using threats, coercion, and intimidation.
Recognizing Grooming Tactics
Research on the Sexual Grooming Model (SGM) shows that grooming is a planned process. It generally follows five stages:
- Targeting the victim
Perpetrators deliberately target vulnerable minors, whether due to psychological factors or family conditions. For example, children who receive little attention or supervision, or who are experiencing problems at home—such as parental conflict.
- Approaching and isolating
Perpetrators often gain access through their jobs, volunteer activities, or by building trust with the child’s family.
Once trust is established, the victim is gradually isolated or distanced from their social environment—friends and family—so they become increasingly dependent on the perpetrator.
This may involve inviting the child on trips alone, overnight stays, or emotionally distancing them from people close to them.
- Building a “good person” image
Perpetrators work to gain the trust of both the child and their parents. The goal is to expand access to the victim without raising suspicion.
- Introducing sexual content and physical contact
This stage typically occurs before sexual exploitation. It begins with inappropriate jokes, conversations, or content.
Sexual violence may then escalate into physical contact. Everything is framed as normal so the child feels confused and remains silent.
- Maintaining control through fear
The goal of grooming is to maintain control over the victim while avoiding suspicion. Perpetrators manipulate children into feeling guilty, responsible for what happened, or afraid of the consequences if they speak out.
These stages clearly show that grooming is not a consensual relationship. It is a systematic manipulation of children who are not yet capable of protecting themselves.
There Is No “Mutual Consent” in Relationships with Children
Child grooming can be categorized as a crime even if sexual assault or rape has not yet occurred. From the outset, the relationship already involves manipulation and abuse of power.
It is important to remember that the right to engage in sexual activity belongs only to adults—not children.
Adults possess control, experience, and influence. Children, meanwhile, do not have the legal or psychological capacity to provide consent. What occurs instead is coerced consent.
As with other forms of sexual violence, claims that a child grooming relationship is “mutual” are misleading.
Criminalizing Child Grooming to Protect Children
The term child grooming is not yet explicitly written in Indonesian law, but the practice already falls under categories of sexual violence and child protection issues.
For example, the Law on Sexual Violence Crimes (TPKS) does not specifically mention child grooming. However, it does recognize power imbalances and manipulation.
From a regulatory perspective, significant gaps remain—especially regarding clear and measurable definitions and behavioral indicators of grooming.
From a social welfare criminology perspective, without clear definitions and regulations, perpetrators can continue hiding within legal gray areas.
Countries such as the United States have long had specific anti-grooming laws. As a result, public awareness has increased and the prevention of sexual violence has become stronger.
In Indonesia, many state institutions have begun highlighting this issue. However, attention alone is not enough. The state must establish firm regulations and ensure impartial law enforcement so that victims feel safe speaking out without fear of blame.
Children need real protection. Survivors must be guaranteed access to recovery and support. Victims must also be empowered to speak up without fear of stigma or negative judgment.
If you or someone close to you has experienced this, you are not alone. Help and support are available, and recovery is possible. You should never be afraid to tell your story and seek assistance.
This article was first published in The Conversation:
https://theconversation.com/child-grooming-kejahatan-berbasis-relasi-kuasa-yang-membahayakan-anak-274216
